Wildly Exaggerated

I like sports wrong. I know this because I see men on Twitter liking sports very loudly and publicly, and it’s very clear that my Sports Opinions do not meet their exacting standards. I’ve been a San Francisco Giants fan since 2012, and in the past 10 years, I’ve gotten a pretty solid handle on how baseball works. When I first became a Giants fan, I thought you were supposed to love your whole team. It seemed to me that being a Giants fan meant wanting the Giants to win, and that the most efficient way to accomplish that would be if every dude in a Giants uniform had a really good day on the field! I could not have been more wrong. Sports Men on Twitter have shown me that actually, true sports fandom requires a seething hatred of at least 3-4 players on your favorite team! You must roll your eyes at their successes! You must tweet bitterly about their contract negotiations! You must rejoice in their every error, as it proves what a Sports Genius you are for hating them so much! Perhaps...

 This is a great recipe for when you have a cold-sensitive cavity and your root canal appointment isn’t for another 5 days but you’re really craving something sweet & cinnamon-y and you don’t wanna spend a bunch of time gnawing on a bun. …I imagine. Ingredients Serves one fun-lovin’ single lady, suitable for vegetarians 2 blobs Pillsbury Sugar Cookie Dough (NOTE: I wouldn’t usually force a brand name on you, but this stuff is heat-treated so you can eat it raw) Ground cinnamon Steps 1. Put two blobs of cookie dough in a small microwave-safe bowl 2. Dump cinnamon on there until you can’t see the dough anymore 3. Nuke your cinnamon blobs for 10-15 seconds The top of my microwave fell off with a catastrophically loud BANG a few months ago so the Maintenance Guy came and - I shit you not - taped it back on. It fell off again (on my head) a short time later and I’m not bothering to call him again. 4. Stir until blended 5. Enjoy! 6. Go back to idly wondering how you even got such a ...

In 10+ years of attempting to be creative, to follow even one of the myriad dreams that have plagued me from my pre-teen years, I’ve noticed A Major Theme in advices from creative professionals. You often see this from writers, but I’ve also seen it come plopping unceremoniously out of the mouths of cartoonists, visual artists, playwrights, actors, and musicians. The “advice” is as follows It isn’t a job! It isn’t a choice! I do it because I HAVE to! You think I enjoy  doing this?!?! I don’t! I wake up every day, disappointed that I didn’t die in the night, that I have to start another day of not doing customer service, yet still having enough money to live in a fancy city like New York or London! The only reason anyone would ever  do this job is because they have no choice! Because their hearts would not allow them to do anything else! And then they say The Thing. The Thing I hate more than anything else in the world:  IF YOU REALLY WANTED TO DO IT, YOU WOULD BE DOING I...